


shall i stay?

by hibouxx



Series: Fireflies [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, M/M, Moving On, Second Chances, Weddings, one-sided dotae, past dojae
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:46:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25811545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hibouxx/pseuds/hibouxx
Summary: He receives the message from Jaehyun during his break, pencil still in hand and a half-finished sketch across his work table. A wedding in February, it says and the message finishes with ‘Yuta hopes you can be there’.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Nakamoto Yuta, Lee Taeyong/Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten
Series: Fireflies [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1872727
Comments: 14
Kudos: 93





	shall i stay?

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a sort of epilogue for my other one shot October Fireflies. You can read this as a stand alone but a lot of things will make more sense if you read the first instalment.
> 
> i felt so sorry for ty for how things ended between him and ten in the first one so i HAD to write this one. as always, this isn't beta-ed so expect a few mistakes

The air is crisp with the chill of winter when Taeyong takes his first steps back on Korean soil after years. The airport isn’t as crowded as it would’ve been a little later in the day and he’s suddenly glad he took the earliest flight to Seoul.

It’s been a long time, long enough that he wouldn’t recognise Yuta under his thick beanie hat and bulky winter jacket, if not for the massive banner with Taeyong’s name he has over his head. Jaehyun is standing next to him, tall and handsome as ever. Both of them haven’t seen Taeyong yet, going by their searching eyes and the pout on Yuta’s lips. 

Taeyong’s gaze lands on the person standing next to the couple, he looks small beside the two of them, his features are as soft as Taeyong remembers them when he meets Taeyong’s eyes through the throng of passengers exiting security. Ten smiles, like he knows Taeyong is watching him even from the distance.

“There he is!” Yuta jumps up, tugging on Jaehyun’s jacket sleeve in case his fiance misses his announcement. Taeyong missed this, the sound of Yuta’s loud voice as he pushes through the crowd to get to him, eyes wild with excitement and affection.

“Hey-” is all Taeyong is able to say before Yuta’s tackling him, arms circling around his neck in the most Yuta fashion and Taeyong instinctively wraps his arms around the younger’s waist. Jaehyun jogs to them while Ten takes his sweet time behind the taller man, not once breaking eye contact with Taeyong.

“I’m home.” Taeyong mumbles against the fur lining of Yuta’s jacket.

  
  


*

He receives the message from Jaehyun during his break, pencil still in hand and a half-finished sketch across his work table. A wedding in February, it says and the message finishes with _‘Yuta hopes you can be there’_. Taeyong takes a deep, shuddering breath.

It’s been four year since he ran away from everything: his friends, his ex-boyfriend and a love that held on to for too long. He knows how important this is for Yuta and Jaehyun, it’s no secret that Jaehyun’s parents don’t exactly approve of their relationship and Yuta’s intermittent unemployment so he’s pretty sure they won’t be there and the couple will need all the outside support they can get. They can’t get legally married in Korea so it’s going to be an unofficial celebration if anything. Jaehyun mentioned something about getting a partnership certificate in Osaka after the festivities. 

Taeyong’s hand clenches around the pencil when his mind wanders to treacherous places, namely slanted eyes and a tall, lanky figure and to all the things Taeyong never got to say four years ago.

  
  


*

“You look well.” are the first words he tells Ten when he finally gets him alone. It’s an understatement. The younger man is more beautiful than he remembers him to be, his smile looks brighter and his eyes twinkle with something other than insecurity. His hair is still styled in the same fashion, albeit a little longer and a lighter shade and he still has the same tattoos etched across his forearms. Taeyong’s eyes were drawn to them as soon as Ten shook his jacket off. He remembers every line like it was only yesterday when he left the permanent marks on the other man’s skin.

“You too, Yong.” The shorter man pauses, holding his gaze. They share a moment together before Ten smoothly changes the topic, “It’s amazing isn’t it? Jaehyun and Yuta. One moment they’re tiptoeing around each other like a pair of highschool kids with a mutual crush, then the next thing you know they’re getting married.” 

Taeyong wants to say that it’s not as simple as that, that they’ve been dancing around each other far longer than a few years. It started with a simple request for Jaehyun to pose for one of Yuta’s drawings in the livingroom of their old dorm and only grew deeper from there. Yuta doesn’t know of course, but Taeyong does and Doyoung certainly came to realise as well at some point.

“Yeah, I’m happy for them, they’re practically made for each other.” 

“And what about you? How are you Taeyong?” He sees the question coming from a mile away. While they parted on good terms, there’s too many unresolved things between them. 

“Okay, I guess. Busy with work, which is good.” _because I don’t have time to think of what could’ve beens or wallow in regrets._

It’s not the response Ten is hoping for, that much is certain from the way his brows wrinkle. He visibly withdraws but doesn’t say anything back and the silence stretches too long before Ten opens his mouth again.

“I think you look happier.” The observation leaves Taeyong in a daze. Happy? No. He made peace with a lot of things in his life but he doesn’t think he’s really happy or he could be misjudging because he’s forgotten how happiness feels like.

A long time ago, happiness was hearing Doyoung’s laughter bounce off the dorm walls, or to bask in his warmth while he fixed Taeyong’s rumpled collar, or to have him tell Taeyong _‘I’ll be here for you always’_.’ Except that’s all in the past now and Taeyong doesn’t remember the feelings nor the longing. It’s both good and bad. 

Jaehyun and Yuta come back with the food before Taeyong can say something back and the mask smoothly slips back in place as Yuta nudges him aside to make space for him on the food court bench. “I hope you still like curry.” his bestfriend says playfully, the ring on his finger catching the early sunlight through the floor to ceiling glass windows.

  
  


*

_“I love you.” Taeyong says, tears of frustration prickling his eyes. Doyoung stands in front of him, wide-eyed, speechless, “and not as a friend. I want to be with you Doie.” he’s unable to hold back the sob that breaks past his lips this time._

_Doyoung is still silent, still unmoving. His expression is a mixture of confusion, betrayal, and grief. Taeyong knows the answer before the younger man says it, he’s known from the beginning but he’s blinded himself with false hopes and Yuta’s silent encouragement._

_“I’m sorry…”_

  
  


*

Doyoung is everything he remembers him to be and at the same time an entirely different person. Taeyong sits across from him at a cafe they’ve never visited before, silently appraising his fuller cheeks and permed hair and the same black-rimmed glasses perched on top of his nose. It’s been four years but the conversations flow like they’ve never been apart a single day. Doyoung couldn’t make it to the airport because he was out of town, celebrating his parents’ anniversary and was caught in traffic on his way back.

“It’s alright, Yuta was certainly loud enough to make up for you not being there.” Taeyong says and stirs three sticks of sugar into his coffee. 

“And Jaehyun. He was there too, wasn’t he? You don’t have to omit him every time Yong.” Doyoung chuckles, seeing through his actions, like always. He sounds carefree and Taeyong immediately feels better at the realisation that Doyoung has really moved on this time.

“Right. Jaehyun, he was there. He drives an SUV now, I never thought I’d see the day he’ll willingly give up his sports car.” 

“They’ll need a bigger car, that’s for sure.” Doyoung leans back against his chair and Taeyong thinks he sees a rueful smile before he averts his eyes entirely. He feels a little vulnerable sitting in front of the man his first love had come to be. Doyoung no longer looks like he’s going to be toppled by the wind, the braces on his teeth are long gone and his mannerisms have changed too, more refined and less finicky. These are changes that took place before he left but the time they spent apart make them stand out more somehow.

“So, your new boyfriend?” Taeyong clears his throat and doesn’t miss the weariness on Doyoung’s face.

“Ah, he’s still in Gangwon-do with my family. I drove back on my own.” 

“That’s a shame. I was hoping I could meet him.” Doyoung gives him a hopeful smile this time and Taeyong senses his relief.

“Aren’t you staying for a week? He’s coming back to Seoul in a few days. I think he’ll be glad to finally meet you too.” Taeyong mimics Doyoung’s smile before he nods.

“Taeyong.” Doyoung calls him by his full name for the first time in what feels like a lifetime, “I hope you find someone who will love you like you deserve.” it’s disarming as it is comforting and Taeyong feels his throat close up at the words unsaid, _sorry it couldn’t be me_.

The old him would’ve felt burdened but the Taeyong now feels only liberation. It’s as if a weight has been lifted off his chest, like the fog that’s held him back for years has finally begun to clear and there’s only a single path in front of him where there used to be a thousand branching ones. Taeyong reaches out across the table to hold Doyoung’s hand, this time truly happy for him.

*

They hold the bachelor’s party in the penthouse of a Gangnam hotel, and although the event is pretty exclusive, with only a few of Jaehyun’s coworkers and Yuta’s own, weathered social circle, Taeyong feels a little out of place surrounded by the luxury that comes with Jaehyun. It was easier to ignore Jaehyun’s background back in college when they didn’t have to be privy to that part of each other’s life but harder now that he and Yuta would officially be family.

Doyoung is there too but he doesn’t join in on the chaos. He keeps himself occupied at the bar, nursing a drink while he chats up who Taeyong can only assume is one of Jaehyun’s work friends.

Yuta must’ve sensed Taeyong’s discomfort because he makes sure to check on him every few minutes until he’s inevitably whisked off to join a party game Ten apparently prepared. It’s around this time that Jaehyun sits next to him on the plush couch with a glass of tequila in each hand. He looks well put together even in just a plain black t-shirt and Taeyong envies how easily he stands out in a crowd of twenty people with just his chiselled face and the aura of confidence that follows him.

“Are you bored already?” The younger man hands Taeyong one glass. His lips twitch in response and wonders if he’s that obvious with his attempts at dissociation. He feels a little bad, this is his bestfriend’s bachelor’s party after all, but he also acknowledges he’s getting too old for these kinds of things.

“Of course not. Just getting used to being in a room with so many people again after a long time.”

“I know what you mean. Yuta didn’t really want a big celebration, so this is actually as close as we can get to compromise.”

“Who would’ve thought,” Taeyong shifts, cradling his drink in both hands, “that the shy boy who couldn’t even string together a proper introduction would be marrying the volatile Yuta, of all people.” He hears Jaehyun’s throaty chuckle over the sound of the music. The younger man’s attention moves across the room, on a tipsy Yuta who’s struggling to win whatever game Ten has concocted. 

“Yeah, who would’ve thought. We’ve really come a long way, haven’t we?”

“You have. I also think you’re the perfect person to raise his future kids with.” Taeyong says in one breath and watches in amusement as Jaehyun’s expression morphs from confusion and then realisation before it settles on blissful. He looks so happy that it’s hard to remember a time when the two of them weren’t stupidly in love. 

“Oh, Yuta already told you.”

“He has. You’re going to be great parents.” 

Jaehyun gives him a slight nod and then he’s putting a hand on Taeyong’s knee, “Thank you hyung. For trusting us and being there for Yuta, and for being here right now. I hope you can find happiness too.” Jaehyun’s words belies optimism instead of pity. Taeyong raises his glass for a toast and relaxes into the music that’s undoubtedly from Ten’s own playlist.

  
  


*

They mark each other’s skin, they laugh together, cry together, dream of a future together, yet Taeyong alone makes the decision to leave.

“I don’t understand. We were doing so well.” Ten wipes his tears with his sleeves, Taeyong used to wipe them away for him but he can’t even muster the courage to reach out. Comfort is the farthest thing he can offer right now, “You said you can learn to love me.” Ten continues softly, breathless, resigned.

Taeyong knows the guilt will never be able to compare to what he’ll feel if he doesn’t end this now. He doesn’t want Ten to fall deeper with no one there to catch him. Ten deserves someone who doesn’t harbour a cacophony of uncertainties and what ifs, someone who will look at him and only see him. Taeyong’s heart is still too broken to love another and there’s no telling if it will ever heal.

“I’m sorry.” is the only thing he says and hunches over their coffee table just so he doesn’t have to see Ten finally walk away.

  
  


*

The memory of Ten’s grief stricken face still haunts him whenever he closes his eyes and he suspects he’ll never be able to truly forget it. When Ten left the apartment the morning after their breakup after shovelling everything he owned into one big suitcase, he didn’t just leave Taeyong behind, he also left all the memories and any resentment he may have had. The next morning at work, Ten bravely went up to him to tell him he was ready to put all of that behind them, despite the hurt Taeyong had inadvertently inflicted.

Taeyong was telling the truth when he once told Yuta that Ten was too good for him. He sighs and lets the silent whispers from the people around him pull him from his trance.

He adjusts the tie around his neck so it’s not stifling, and watches in awe as the indoor garden lights up in a whirlwind of colours and soft silence falls over the crowd as the live singer eases into the first note. Yuta meets Jaehyun at the end of the long aisle, his tearful eyes fluttering close as Jaehyun presses a kiss against his lips and slips a white gold ring on the same finger where his engagement ring is nestled. As the notes hit a crescendo, a wave of emotions cascades over Taeyong, and when he tears his eyes away from the couple, he finds Ten’s eyes on him from across the aisle.

Taeyong's lips quiver and he takes a deep breath. He mouths, “I miss you.” even though he doubts Ten can see him under the dimmed lights. 

During reception, Taeyong sits at the same table as Doyoung and Johnny, still consumed by the intensity of Jaehyun and Yuta’s love. He knows he shouldn’t but he wonders anyway, if something so magical could ever happen to him. Yuta surprises all of them when he pulls Taeyong to the dance floor after roping Jaehyun into a Michael Bublé dance off against Xuxi and his girlfriend.

His bestfriend is beautiful in his off white, three-piece wedding suit, with his long wavy hair in a big braid and bejewelled with small, sparkly gems. He has glitters on his eyelids and the entire universe in his eyes when he smiles at him. “Congratulations Yuta.” He says softly, cradling Yuta’s face in his hands like he used to do back in the days.

“Thank you, I hope you know you’re a big part of this Yong.” Taeyong smiles at the sheen of tears that Yuta tries hard to blink away, “I didn’t pull you here for no reason...” the younger trails off and guides Taeyong’s hands to wrap around his waist instead as they sway to the beat of the music. “I wanted to tell you, before tonight ends, that Ten never got another tattoo after you left.”

Taeyong pulls back at the unexpected information. He gives Yuta a pointed look but the latter continues without filter, “I know you told me once that there’s a special kind of love only a few people get to experience. But Taeyong,” Yuta cups Taeyong’s face in his hands this time and looks at him with headstrong determination, “you can take something mundane and turn it into an extraordinary love.” 

“Yuta…”

“No listen to me. You don’t have to have everything figured out, you don’t have to be perfect or ready, sometimes you have to let the other person help you heal. Let them put you back together.” Taeyong’s eyes start to burn because Yuta’s right, he’s been running and running non stop with no end in sight because he wants to be something he might never become. A man worthy of someone like Ten, but Ten has never asked him to be that.

“You don’t have to love all of yourself before letting anyone else love you.” When his breath hitches against his will, Yuta gathers him close and lets him cry into his suit. He lets him cry until the song is over and another one starts playing in the background. No one says anything when Yuta guides him back to his seat, not even at the noticeable stain on Yuta’s suit jacket. He knows Ten is watching them from two tables away because he sees the worried glances he shoots in their direction when he thinks Taeyong’s not looking.

At the end of the celebration, Doyoung puts a comforting hand on his shoulder, “Don’t worry Yong, everything’s going to be alright.” 

*

Taeyong finds Ten outside the venue with his phone in hand after the last of the guests leave. “Do you need a ride?” 

The shorter man startles but visibly relaxes at the sight of Taeyong. He gives him a small, tired smile and shakes his head, “No, I already called for an uber. You drove here?”

“No, I’m going in Johnny’s rental car.” He feels a little silly approaching Ten like that when he doesn’t have anything substantial to offer. He draws a shuddering breath and wraps his coat a little tighter around himself, “I was wondering if you’d like to go out for coffee tomorrow? If you’re free anyway.” He finally says and he’s surprised at how light the words feel on his tongue.

He sees Ten tense up, obviously conflicted. A black sedan pulls up on the curb right at that moment and the younger man breaks eye contact so he can tell the driver to give him two minutes.

“Taeyong, aren’t you going back to Beijing in a few days?” 

“My contract is due for renewal in three months.” Taeyong hopes his feelings translate properly into words when he adds, “I...I might return earlier than I thought.”

Ten folds his arms against his chest defensively and Taeyong realises how much he doesn’t want to lose this again. His gaze drops to the concrete under his heels when Ten lets out a sigh and opens the door to the backseat of the car. Taeyong’s resolve crumbles and he’s about to backpedal when Ten shuts the door behind him. But then the window rolls down with a whirr and Taeyong looks up and their eyes lock in a moment that feels like eternity as Ten extends a hand out the window and Taeyong takes it, lacing their fingers without hesitation.

“Coffee tomorrow morning then, your treat.”


End file.
